FFFF: What Every Woman Wants: Yogurt + Birth Control!

by | August 16, 2013
filed under FFFF

Friday Feminist Funny Film logoAt last week’s #sheparty Twitter chat, I was rightfully called out on the fact that this site is not fully accessible to people with disabilities. Some of the problems are embedded in the design/theme I’m using and will take a bit more time to resolve, but to start improving things immediately I’ve taken a few steps: installing a plugin that lets visitors increase or decrease the size of text in articles (via a widget in the upper-right of the page), making sure all links have text describing the destination, all new images (and, still in progress, all historic images) have captions, alternative text and longer descriptions and all new videos from here on in will be posted with transcripts.

With that note, on to your Friday Feminist Funny Film, a satirical look at ads directed to women, written by and starring Megan Amram.

Dannon Birth Control on the Bottom from Payman Benz on Vimeo.

Transcript after the jump

(opens with scene of 5 racially-diverse, young women sitting on a patio, sipping tropical drinks)

Main character: Ladies, it’s tough to be a busy woman in post-racial America.

(everyone laughs knowingly)

Main character: That’s why Dannon has combined the two favourite things of diverse girlfriends in commercials: yogurt and birth control!

Voice-over: Dannon’s new “Birth Control on the Bottom” yogurt makes it easy for multicultural women to enjoy their two favourite things in one easy ad!

(women now standing in kitchen eating yogurt)

Woman 2: My racially-diverse friends and I used to hang out all the time, laughing and talking about probiotic yogurt.

Woman 3: But it distracted us from what we should have been talking about: birth control.

(they eat spoonfuls of yogurt with blue pills floating in it, crunching down)

(scene changes to women sitting cross-legged on yoga mats with eyes closed, holding stones with inspirational words on them)

Woman 4 (holding stone that says “Cherish”): When I talk to my brown friends about non-hormonal birth control over a light dinner of sugar-free pesto, but none of us were able to get down to our birth weight.

Woman 5: I’m Mexican.

Woman 6: I’m deaf.

(scene changes to women sitting close together on sofas, giving each other pedicures and laughing)

Main character: Dannon “Birth Control on the Bottom” with live cultures means you don’t have to choose between the only two things that matter to you as a woman according to TV.

Woman 2: I think I speak for all women when I say we’re all friends with one white girl, one black girl, one Latino, one Asian, and one deafsie.

Woman 6, speaking and signing with subtitles: Did somebody say girlfriends?

(scene changes to blue pills being stirred into a bowl of yogurt)

Voice-over: Dannon birth control on the bottom is made by mixing real daily birth controls into non-fat, probiotic yogurt, in such delicious flavours as “light blue birth control pill”, “peach”, and “dark blue birth control pill”

(images of packages with pictures of fruit and pills on the front , then back to women standing in kitchen)

Main character: Your boyfriend won’t even know it’s not dessert.

Woman 5: It  has live cultures, so you know it works.

Woman 4: Thanks to Dannon, I’m regular in terms of my period, and my butt period.

Woman 6, speaking and signing with subtitles: I’m mixed-race. Half-black, half-deaf.

(doorbell rings)

Main character: Did someone order a house call?

(women lying on medical beds in the living room, smiling and laughing, wearing blue medical exam robes. Woman dressed as doctor walks by in background)

Voice-over: Talk to your doctor about Dannon “Birth Control on the Bottom”. If your doctor’s a woman, talk to her about everything!

Woman 4, sitting in chair: Talk to her about Anne Hathaway’s pillows and wireless tampons.

Woman 2, sitting in chair: Talk to her about orchids and milk.

Woman 6, speaking and signing with subtitles, lying on back on bed: Side-effects may include weight gain, constipation, pregnancy, and fun! And deafness!

Voice-over: Dannon “Birth Control on the Bottom”. Because girls who are white, black, Asian, Tex-Mex or deaferson should be able to have it all.

(women sitting on patio again, man with long curly hair walks over)

Man: Ooh, yogurt!

(main character slaps his hand away)

Main character: Uh-uh, no boys allowed.

(everyone laughs, then stops laughing and there is awkward silence).


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