Jobs I Wish Had Shown up on a Career Test

by | July 26, 2009
filed under Feminism

I was thinking today about how the career planning instructor told us to start out by dreaming big and thinking outside the box for career paths. So with that in mind, here are the top 10 jobs I wish had shown up on one of my career tests:

1. Expert on Law and Order.

I once presented a paper at an undergrad conference on “Progressive or Postfeminist: Violence Against Women in Law and Order: Special Victims Unit,” so I’m part-way there already.

2. Providing commentary/reviews (written or oral) for British costume drama miniseries and/or live musical theatre.

Artist Liz Hickok's JELL-O Model of Alamo Square

Artist Liz Hickok's JELL-O Model of Alamo Square

3. Being the lady who makes scale-models of San Francisco out of JELL-O.

4.  Competitive SCRABBLE player.

Ok granted I’m not all that great now, but maybe given unlimited time and a salary, I could rank with the best of them.  Mostly I just want to be able to look at something like “Eric Clapton” and instantly be able to realize that the letters can be rearranged to spell “narcoleptic” (as in the documentary Word Wars).

5. Herald

Not too much demand for this nowadays, but I think my public speaking experience and excellent diction could have made me a very successful herald. Unfortunately, I probably would’ve had to tackle significant gender barriers and may have chafed at the thought of total obediance to a local lord.

Storm B - ow-trektopper2

Vulcan/Klingon Wedding Cake

4.  Wedding planner specializing in nerd themes.

If there’s one thing that could tempt me to overlook any ethical qualms I may have with the institution of marriage, it would be getting to order cakes like this (via cakewrecks):

7. Fortune cookie writer

I believe I may possess the rare ability prized in the fortune cookie industry to write short messages with precision and vagueness. Twitter has surely helped hone my skills in this area.

Sample fortunes in case a prospective employer is reading this:

You will find fulfillment just around the corner.

Think positively and you will get that new kitchen.

Camels from Yspahan by Ystari Games

Camels from board game Yspahan by Ystari Games

8. Euro boardgame component designer.

Why am I not playing with miniature camels all day, I ask?

9. Cryptozoologist

I’m pretty sure that I would enjoy defending the existence of the Loch Ness monster to all those who cared to listen. If only there were money in it.

10. Hedgehog Whisperer

‘Nuff said.

So in closing remember to keep dreaming big, at least until Monday when we can go back to applying for real jobs.

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