by Alicia Costa
Earlier this week xoJane ran a story about straight people in gay clubs and how disliked their presence is. And truthfully the examples the author used as a gay woman reflecting on how straight women act and treat gay space are pretty appalling.
As someone who has spent many many nights in gay clubs I can attest to seeing all these things: bachelorette parties gone wild, straight men and women confident all the gay people at the bar want to jump their bones, straight women grabbing and touching the gay guys because they think it’s “okay because they are gay!” Truthfully, more than once I’ve felt like throwing my drink on the straight couple making out in the gay bar.
However, as a straight woman who has gone through life with white and straight privilege I am forever grateful to the way the gay community allowed me into their world and helped to has shape me as a decent human.
I spent the first 18 years of my life skirting around the norm of society and I was desperate to find somewhere to fit in. As the only fat kid in my small elementary school in my small town I grew up with the constant feeling that I just wasn’t the same as all the other kids. This was long before the days of Michelle Obama fighting for fat kids and long before there were trendy husky kid clothes in the Justin Bieber line at Walmart. I looked different, had to dress differently than the other kids (and my average-sized sister), and had a weird and awkward body to drag around. I was conditioned from a very young age to feel there was something wrong with me.
Needless to say this all sets you up for angst-filled teenage years littered with body hatred and self-harm. By the time I was nearing the end of high school I no longer thought I was a weird kid – I knew it. My first ‘love’ was a girl but I also liked boys, which was confusing and scary. I got into fights with the Christian kids about abortion. I had no desire to graduate and get married to my high school boyfriend and have babies. Fuck that. I was getting out of dodge and was going to do something substantial with my life. Read more