hookup culture

My Reality: Being the “Other Woman”

ringsby Phoebe Vaccaro

I had sex with a married man and I don’t feel at all badly about it. Now before you get all judge-y, as I’m sure you’ll be wont to do, let me explain myself a little.

There was a time when sleeping with someone who was attached – married, in a relationship, whatever it was – was entirely outside of my realm of comfort. It was an absolute no-go for me, especially after what I went through with my last relationship (quick recap: my ex had been cheating on me, in my house, in my bed with his boss for months, before finally telling me – and only finally doing that, via frigging Facebook, nonetheless, because he’d knocked her up). So I was hypersensitive to such circumstances for a while.

But then, somewhere along the way, I somehow became less dogmatic about my reticence to sleep with attached men…and then suddenly, I found myself in bed with a married man and not feeling at all badly about it. How’d I get to this point?

Firstly, the marital troubles of two people aren’t on me. Sure, I’m probably not helping by getting involved, even if only peripherally, but to be honest I don’t really feel like I ought to have to check every man for a marriage license before jumping into bed with him.

This man was incredibly sexy. I met him at a bar, we got to talking, and we left the bar together. It wasn’t until we were on our way to his friend’s house that it came out that he was married. I was  looking forward to the casual rendezvous, but when I discovered he was married I started to have second thoughts. After a short conflict within myself, I decided I was going to do it anyway. I didn’t know how often this man sleeps around on his wife. I didn’t know anything about their relationship. What I did know is that I am not the cause for whatever had him out seeking sexual relations with other women. Read more

Posted on by Phoebe Vaccaro in My Reality 54 Comments

Ding-Dong, Courtship is Dead, and I’m Just Fine with That

courtshipBy Alicia Costa This week the Internets has been abuzz over a piece run by The New York Times about the death of traditional courtship and a shift in our generation toward a “hook-up culture”. The culprit of this is our love for texting and avoidance of face-to-face interaction. The men are not taking us out for fancy dinners and the women are not impressed. Society in 20 years will be overrun with barren spinsters and lonely bachelors! So, I’d like to throw my hat in the ring as someone who is guilty of engaging in this “hook-up culture”. Why? I have a busy and full life. Maybe I’m a terrible woman but I find there is nothing wrong with “hanging out” instead of getting flowers and going out for dinner. I like texting and casual flings. So I’m contributing to the death of romance and I’m not sorry. I’ve been in one long-term relationship of 4.5 years. Shortly thereafter I had a disastrous attempt to turn a best friend into a relationship. By the end of this period of my life I was emotionally, mentally, and physically burnt out. Okay – I was a bit of a mess. I was chronically underemployed and both my ego and self-esteem had seen better days. I was mourning the loss of having two of my favourite men in my life and in no way had the desire or mental capacity to date. I spent a lot of time drinking and trying to get my career going. However, being a lady with certain needs I was eager to find something to sustain myself without all the emotional drain that comes with dating. So I found myself a gentleman for an ongoing casual arrangement. And it was awesome, lasted five years, and I have no regrets about it. As I’ve already outed myself as a contributor (and supporter) of the evil hookup culture I thought I’d share my tips and tricks on how to get your rocks off and not get tied down. Read more

Posted on by Alicia Costa in Feminism Leave a comment