Downton Abbey’s Lessons for Ladies

by Roxanna Bennett

-Spoiler Alert to end of Season 3-

The third season of Downton Abbey is over. We feminist fans shed some tears when Lady Sybil died, cheered when under-butler Thomas Barrow informed Mr. Carson his lifestyle is “not revolting” and learned a lot more about what it means to be a Lady.

We learned that it’s difficult but not impossible to challenge the social norms (Mrs. Crawley helps Edith move from sex work to domestic employment), that older women may be romantically pursued but it’s sometimes a relief to turn down a suitor (Mrs. Patmore is wooed by a player who wants a captive cook, Mrs. Crawley deftly shuts down Dr. Clarkson). We discovered that slut-shaming is an old tradition (Lady Mary, Lady Rose, Edith, pretty much every unmarried woman in Downton gets a taste of this at some point or another) and that sometimes challenging class and station in life works out for the best (Sybil and Tom), huzzah!

Below are 10 Georgian-era life lessons about femininity and ladyhood we learned from the women of Downton Abbey.

Appearance is everything

It’s imperative that, as a Lady, you spend several hours a day being dressed and undressed for various meals and events and that you sit still as you are groomed, brushed, petted and scolded in front of a mirror that will highlight your every fault and charm. Eating dinner with your family is the high point of your otherwise meaningless existence and heaven help the Lady who is not suitably attired.

Always a doctor’s wife, never a doctor

Yes, you spent years a trained nurse and were married to a doctor and competently treated patients and understood as much as your late husband about medical procedures. That’s all well and fine, but you’re a widow and a Lady and therefore, shut up and stop with the whining about saving the lives of dying patients with your fancy, think-you-know-better than the Man Doctor ideas.

Know your place!

A chauffeur should never sleep with a Lady, but if he does convince her to marry him, he’ll be reluctantly received as one of the family with all the money and comfort that entails. If a woman, however, sleeps above her station, such as a housemaid sleeping with an enlisted officer who happens to be convalescing in the home of her employer, look forward to a life of shame, hunger and misery. It’s alright for a man to marry up but not for a woman. If you are a Lady you are expected to find a consort within your class, and not make merry with farmhands or – far worse – editors and publishers, who are so gauche as to be inconceivable as marriage material.

Being a sex worker is contagious

A sex worker is the lowest form of life. Serving her in your shop is to invite shame upon yourself, your business and your family. Associating with a sex worker means that you, too, are also a sex worker because prostitution is contagious. Employing a sex worker as anything other than a sex worker is to allow your home or business to become defiled with her dirty ways. Never mind the reasons that she became a sex worker, (because you fired her for sleeping above her station [see #8, Know Your Place] and then she got pregnant and had no way to feed her bairn because you FIRED HER) now she is worse than trash and anyone seen speaking to her is assumed to also be frolicking in the muck of unwed intercourse. Read more

Posted on February 25, 2013 by jarrahpenguin in Feminism, Pop Culture 1 Comment

New Survey May Say More About Gender Expression than Youth Mental Health

by Ashli Scale

Last week Global Montreal posted a news article about a survey conducted by Queen’s University in partnership with the Public Health Agency of Canada and Health Canada. A total of 26,000 youth between the ages of 11 and 15 were surveyed. The main gist of the results is that girls are more likely to have emotional problems and mental health concerns than boys. However, the method of information gathering and the types of questions asked may actually tell us more about gender expression than mental health. To illustrate my concerns I have analyzed two survey conclusions below.

1. “While boys are more likely than girls to report behavioural problems such as cutting classes or skipping school, talking back to teachers and getting into fights, girls are more likely to report emotional problems – feeling low, feeling nervous or helpless, feeling left out of things or feeling lonely” (Global Montreal, 2012).

I provide social support to homeless and street-involved youth. In my experience, the vast majority of male youth DO experience feelings of depression, nervousness, loneliness or alienation but DON’T feel comfortable expressing these feelings. Instead, they act them out in more masculine and socially-approved ways – getting into fights, bullying or withdrawing. Remember, boys are raised to be MEN and told that real men don’t cry or show signs of weakness. Read more

Posted on March 3, 2012 by jarrahpenguin in Can-Con, Feminism Leave a comment

Fist-of-Cuffs: A response to ‘Toronto, City of Sissies’

This post was originally published at The Scale. Cross-posted with permission.

There was a huge response to a recent article in ‘The National Post’ by writer Christie Blatchford regarding the men of Toronto. It was a call for Toronto to stop being a ‘City of Sissies’.

In response, I am going to share two things with you: a moment and a secret.

First, I am going to share a moment.

This is a moment in my everyday life that I personally dread. Not a moment like fearing my safety when walking down a strange, moonlit street, facing a boss and his sexual harassment-laced advances, a trip to the dentist or a strange man following me into the elevator.

I dread when my car acts up or needs attention. Some light goes on, or there is a rattling sound or grinding noise, which means walking into the auto shop.

There isn’t a moment where I feel more insufficient or I am made to feel more pathetic than when I need to do something car-related. Growing up I didn’t have the kind of father that was forever under the hood, asking me to pass the wrench and explain how the engine works. I literally could write on one sheet of paper the entire conversations I ever had with my father. The Strong and Silent type: My father, my example of a man.

Admittedly, I should take on my deficiency of automotive knowledge and learn more about the vehicle I use everyday (I just know how to drive, change the oil and gas up). Whenever I walk into any auto shop, however, is my moment of dread.

The moment the man behind the counter raises his eyes up from typing on the computer with hands adorned in grease and calluses…

Hands toughened from years of working with them
Hands manually manly
Hands hardened and thickened
Hands that don’t feel a thing

…the moment he quickly realizes my depth of automotive know-how is thinner than the worn out treads on my tires, I see a smirk. I see eyes rolling, or a subtle shake of the head. The soft groan under his breath is a mighty roar questioning my manhood, echoing in the empty cavity where my esteem once stood. This pressure, this feeling may seem trivial, but it is real, it is potent and it needs to be discussed.

…urgently.

Secondly, I am going to break the man code of silence and share a secret.

There is an invisible gun held to the head of every man and boy you know.
At any given moment, at every moment of everyday, familiar cold steel presses against the head of every man’s soul. Unseen hands take turns cocking it, pressing it against the temple. The hands belong to people you know and never knew, those you despise and those you will always love.

It is a loaded gun that we as men don’t point out, don’t signal for help with, certainly don’t discuss and don’t internally acknowledge even exists. It has been pushed into our temple since birth.

The gun is society’s impossible, elusive state of manhood.
The bullets are Vulnerability, Inadequacy and Emotion. Read more

Posted on December 13, 2011 by jarrahpenguin in Can-Con, Feminism 1 Comment

The Muppets Treads a Fine Line on Women’s Roles

Can I just say I’ve been ridiculously excited about the new Muppet movie for months? The fact that Flight of the Conchords‘ Bret McKenzie would be writing songs, and all the parody trailers only psyched me even more:

Luckily, the film was just as awesome as I had hoped. The Muppets tells the story of Walter, a Muppet with a human brother Gary (Jason Segel). As they grow older, obsessed Walter, who’s become a big fan of The Muppet Show starts to realize he doesn’t fit in in their small town. When Gary decides to take his girlfriend Mary (Amy Adams) on a trip to Los Angeles, he brings Walter along knowing he’d like to see Muppet Studios.

When they arrive in LA, Walter overhears a plot by the evil oil tycoon Tex Richman (Chris Cooper), who wants to raze the studio and drill for oil. Walter’s only hope to save the studio is to re-unite the estranged Muppet Show cast members for one final fundraising performance.

The Muppets was hilarious with just the right amount of Muppet cheese, and the way its storyline evoked nostalgia for The Muppet Show struck a chord with those of us who grew up watching it and the early Muppet movies.

(Besides, if the Fox Business Network thinks the movie is communist propaganda, that only makes me respect it even more.)

Unfortunately, the movie seemed to struggle a bit with how much independence to give its women characters. While Miss Piggy continues to use both karate chops and more traditionally feminine wiles to get her way, and Mary repairs cars and electrical circuits without breaking a sweat, the two have the same ultimate goal: marriage.

As J. Lee Milliren says in her review at Bitch Flicks:

“One of my biggest issues with these two having the same motivation is that they both only have One motivation and goal. All the other (male) characters have more than one goal and motivation throughout the movie. Walter wants to save the theater, reunite the Muppets, and find his place. Gary wants to be with Mary, and he wants his brother to be happy but struggles with maybe having to let go of him. Kermit wants to save the theater, be with the family that is the Muppets and re-kindle his relationship with Miss Piggy. Even Animal has two goals: wanting to save the theater AND to control his wild side.”

Avital at Bitch Magazine Blogs took a slightly more positive view, saying: “Fight it all you want, but Miss Piggy is a feminist. While she does play into some poor stereotypes (being a little boy-focused…or rather frog-focused), the thing most folks remember her for is her fierce, take-no-shit, strong personality.”

Overall I think the movie didn’t stray too much into gender-regressive territory. At one point Mary and Piggy even sing a girl-power independence song: “Me Party/Party for One”:

Even though Piggy/Mary’s goals are centered around marriage, the movie does show that they’re independent and unwilling to put up with bad treatment from boyfriends. With all of the movie’s other awesomeness, that makes it a big success in my books.

-Jarrah

Posted on December 7, 2011 by jarrahpenguin in Feminism, Politics 1 Comment

Princess/Prince: Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal

In lieu of your Friday Feminist Funny Film, it’s a Friday Feminist Funny Cartoon. Get the ending to the story at Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal.

-Jarrah

Posted on November 18, 2011 by jarrahpenguin in Feminism, FFFF Leave a comment

Thrift Store Board Game Review: Mall Madness

This past weekend my boyfriend and I went on a quest to four thrift stores around Burnaby and Surrey in order to find the weirdest/funniest board games and then play them. One of the two we came back with was Mall Madness, which I convinced myself to spend $3 on by rationalizing I could write a blog post on it. So here goes.

In Mall Madness you take on the role of one of eight shoppers, each with their own “unique personality” and an individualized shopping list. You’re directed around the board to various stores by an irritating, perky female voice (“Seriously! There’s a clearance at the card shop!”) until you get 6 items on your list and reach your final destination. You start with $150 and when you run out of money, you can go to the ATM and withdraw a random amount of money using your cash card.

Looking at the game analytically, the options for girls are more diverse than I expected. Along with the types I expected: Megan, who’s “really into being pretty”, and Sarah, who’s “friendly” and “girly”, there’s “intelligent” Vanessa, “athletic, confident” Kara, “assertive” and “funky” Rachael and “rebellious” skateboarder Tameka.

But while at least there are options for girls who want to take on a less stereotypically girly character, the two available male characters are pretty cookie-cutter. Your two options are the more punky Scott and the jock Darryl.

The items on the characters’ shopping lists are supposed to reflect their personalities, but are more reflective of gender stereotypes. I took two girl characters and the two guys to contrast them:

Jewelry Store: girls buy hoop earrings and a necklace, guys buy a thumb ring and a class ring.

Science Store: guys buy a GPS system and a chemistry set, girls buy a back massager and a novelty lamp.

Book Store: girls buy fashion and teen magazines, guys buy anime books and sports magazines.

Shoe Store: guys buy comfortable shoes and work boots, girls buy platforms and designer shoes.

Arts & Crafts: girls buy iron-on patches and fake flowers, guys buy spray paint and a game kit.

So the overall pattern is pretty gendered, with the girls preferring spending more money on making themselves look pretty and the guys spending more money on practical items and sports equipment.

But there are exceptions, like Scott buying a guinea pig at the pet store, so it could be worse.

What’s probably most annoying about Mall Madness – not counting the disembodied fountain voice – is the overall concept. Targeting girls as young as 9 (according to the box’s recommended age) to turn them into mindless shopping machines is a little creepy.

Tips in the rule book include: “It’s usually a ood idea to head for a store that’s having a sale or a clearance. You’ll save cash and that means fewer time-consuming trips to the ATM!” So the only reason to save money is to save time? There’s nothing in this game that reminds players that you can only get a finite amount of money from real ATMs.

The verdict: not worth the $3 in terms of entertainment. We played it twice and decided it was probably to take out the 3 AA batteries the game requires and use them in something else. In terms of socialist feminist analysis? Totally worth it. Mall Madness is a game that reinforces gender roles while training young girls that your personality is demonstrated through conspicuous consumption, and that it’s no big deal to drop a few hundred dollars in a trip to the mall.

-Jarrah

Posted on January 8, 2011 by jarrahpenguin in Feminism, Pop Culture 1 Comment

Annoying Dating Stereotypes? There's an app for that.

Are you a guy who wants to date a girl who’s insecure, whiny, manipulative, and demanding, but you’re having trouble making that happen in real life? Are you willing to lie to her and do things you don’t enjoy doing to make her happy? Then the new iPhone app My Virtual Girlfriend may be for you.

In My Virtual Girlfriend, guys rank themselves on a number of traits, then suggest what they’re looking for in a girlfriend (i.e. sexiness, responsibility, sensitivity). The game then suggests 3 potential matches and once you pick one, you’re ready to go.

The goal of this game: keep your girlfriend around by making her happy. You can do this through agreeing with everything she says, doing activities she likes, buying her expensive things, and touching her (seriously), but not too much too soon.

Once you get to the end of level 20, your virtual gf falls in love with you and you can decide to stay or leave her because “you’re just too much man for one woman to handle.”

Nelson at Pixelated Geek interviewed the app’s producer, Angelina Amerson, who argues that the game isn’t just for fun or entertainment, but also to educate guys on “something that happens every day”.

Nelson questioned Ms. Amerson on different parts of the game, such as how a guy can make his virtual girlfriend happy by cleaning her house, and why the virtual gfs get angry when the guy wants them to play video games with him. Ms. Amerson argues this is just like real life, saying she polled her girl friends and acquaintances and none of them like video games.

xeroxeroxero at MidLife Gamer says: “To say that My Virtual Girlfriend becomes a question of mathematical human conditioning is an understatement, the actions you’ll take over the hour and a half it takes to hit the maximum love level border on the sociopathic.” From what I saw, it certainly seems like it’s implying girls have some secret formula such as:

x(times you buy her shoes) = x(times she’ll let you touch her breasts)

The whole game is so full of ridiculous stereotypes about what women want and how they’re expected to behave, but that’s not the end of it. Ms. Amerson has a sequel planned about virtual boyfriends, whose types will include “The Corporate Male” who only cares about work, and “The Alpha Male”, who wants to control everything.

So basically the developers seem to think that dating is all about making the other person happy by doing activities you don’t really want to do, relying on outdated gender stereotypes in order to determine what those activities are.

Thankfully it doesn’t have to be like that in real life.

-Jarrah

Posted on August 15, 2010 by jarrahpenguin in Feminism, Pop Culture 4 Comments