Like many women, part of learning to love and accept my body also included dealing with the shame I had around menstruation. I started menstruating when I was 10 years old and it was a confusing and terrifying experience. My mom (bless you, mom) was not great with the explaining of the bodily functions. So I was handed a jumbo super plus tampon with a cardboard applicator and sent into the bathroom. I was so baffled about what this thing was and where it was supposed to go.
Needless to say there were tears and I used pads the size of a toddler diaper for the next several years. My mom (again bless you, mom, you tried) would place my pad in a paper bag in an attempt to conceal it. Added to my mortification was the lack of sanitary napkin disposals in the stalls at my elementary school which lead me to live in constant terror that just as I was burying my pad in the communal trash the door would be flung open and I would be met with horror and ridicule from my non-menstruating classmates. Horrifying. There is not enough therapy in the world to get rid of that memory.
Anyway, clearly I survived into adulthood somehow and have lived to tell all the Internet my most mortifying moments. You’re welcome.
Connecting with my body has been a long road for me. Navigating sex and sexuality as a big woman has been a journey that I am still on. I believe the negative experiences I had when I first started menstruating only added to the dissociation I felt with my body. I was ashamed and scared. Not a single adult took the time to explain to me that what was happening to my body was normal and natural and that all women go through it.
So I started a quest in my early 20s to better connect with my body and my sacred moon blood. And that was when I discovered this amazing invention of a reusable menstrual cup. It’s a small internally worn cup made of medical grade silicone that collects menstrual blood and is reusable over and over. It can be worn for 10-12 hours without the fear of getting toxic shock syndrome and does not absorb those good juices in your lady bits. Also, they cost between $20-$40 and last for years! Years! Think of all the savings!
The only cup available in Canada at the retail level at the time (and I think currently) is the DivaCup. So I marched to the nearest London Drugs and scooped one up in the size 1 (for women under 30 who have not given birth). I ran home with high hopes that yes- I am a progressive sexual woman! I am getting in touch with my moons! I am going to save BOATLOADS of cash!
And once again I found myself in a bathroom looking at a baffling foreign object near tears. And I just could never get the DivaCup to work for me. Over the years I’d dig it out of the drawer. Give it another try. And it always ended up the same way: with my sweaty, swearing, and throwing the cup against the wall and reaching for my multipack of Tampax Pearls. Read more