Stand-up comedian Liz Miele invented feminist sex position jokes as alternatives to popular sexist ones.
The video was taken at AFX Gotham Comedy Live, and the bit also appears on her album, Emotionally Exhausting. Transcript below the video.
Warning – NSFW language.
I’m the oldest – I’m the second oldest of five kids, and I’m really close with all my siblings, but I’m especially close with my little brother Sam. My little brother Sam is about ten years younger than me, and the thing about Sam is, he’s only ever known me as a comedian. So, it kind of has shaped my life, being a comedian. I’m very honest, I’ve never told him a lie, and I always thought that was pretty cool about our relationship until pretty recently when I found out that we don’t have boundaries. And those are important. And this is how I found out.
A couple months ago my younger brother and my younger sister were living together at the time, and I walked in on one of the weirder conversations for an older sister to walk in on. I walked in on my little brother telling my sister those funny sexual position jokes. Do you guys know what I’m talking about? They always have a title like The Rusty Trombone. It’s always something fucked up like “you come in her eye and it’s called The Pirate.” Shit like that.
So this is the one I walked in on: it’s a dude fucking a girl from the back, then he leaves, and another guy starts fucking her, but the first dude goes in front of a mirror and waves to her, and it’s called The Poltergeist. And he’s laughing, and he’s laughing, and he’s like “isn’t that funny? You’re a comedian, isn’t that funny, that’s so funny?” I was like “nooooo.” I’ve been in a male-dominated field for 12 years and I’ve heard every fucked up thing you can do to a woman, and it’s always something that ruins her hair, and I’m not OK with it any more. I really care about my hair. So I decided as someone who travels the world and basically does spoken word that it’s my responsibility to spread feminist sexual positions. I have a lot of free time, I came up with three.
Position number one is a dude going down on a girl, she squirts in his face, he learns to respect women, it’s called The 19th Amendment. Position number two is a woman riding a dude, she gets him about 30% away from an orgasm, but then she gets up and leaves – it’s called The Equal Pay Act. Position number three is my favourite, it’s just a woman masturbating in a kitchen, a dude walks in sad – it’s called Make Your Own Dinner.