FFFF: Doctor Who Joins the BAMF Girls Club

by | November 29, 2013
filed under FFFF, Pop Culture

Friday Feminist Funny Film logoThe Doctor arrives at the BAMF Girls Club house and some of the residents are wondering if they might get to be his next companion.

Love the reference to the idea of The Doctor becoming a woman at some point, although kind of sad that he shows up Lisbeth’s computer skills. He should’ve at least had to sonic screwdriver the computer.

Transcript (after the jump):

Voice-over: When Buffy, Hermione, Katniss, Lisbeth, Michonne and Bella move into one house, it’s an utter BAMF-gasm of awesomeness! It’s the BAMF Girls Club!

Bella (interview): Someone, like, snuck into my bedroom last night. And it wasn’t Edward.

(cut to Bella sleeping when the TARDIS appears in her bedroom and The Doctor steps out)

Bella: Edward?

Doctor: Afraid not.

Bella: Jacob?

Doctor: Wrong again…boyfriend?

Bella: Werewolf.

Doctor: Bad Wolf?

Bella: Sometimes.

Doctor: Well, back to me. I’m the Doctor. Space-time traveller, over a thousand years old, lover of bow ties.

Bella: Did Hermione send you? She’s always sending head doctors to come look at me.

Doctor: Hermione! Brilliant name. Not quite sure why I’m here. We’ll have to examine the wibbly-wobbly, timey-wimey of it all.

Doctor (interview): So, hang on, you just want me to talk right into the…all right…Well one minute I’ve left Clara to holiday on Planet Fiesta 95 and next the TARDIS crash-lands…somewhere rather strange, with very intriguing humans. Well perhaps a friend among them is up for a short adventure!…I mean, who is watching this? (scans camera with sonic screwdriver)

Doctor (in living room, takes a cup and holds it to the wall, then listens): Do you hear that?

Lisbeth: Is it the sound of your spaceship?

Doctor: No, I’m listening to a crack in space and time. Hang on, who told you about my spaceship?

Lisbeth: I have my sources.

Lisbeth (interview): Bella says the companion position comes with a dangerous screwdriver…and a spaceship…

Hermione: Doctor! I heard you’re looking for a new companion and I’m perfect for the position!

Doctor: I’m not…

Hermione: I once had a time-turner you know!

Doctor: Really? Magnificent! Did you travel across the universe as well?

Hermione: No, but I studied a lot of subjects…

Doctor: Oh, that’s nice.

Hermione: In the cleverest way!

Lisbeth: Quiet, Hermione!

Doctor: Hermione, that’s a brilliant name! Well, not a Cyberman in sight!

Lisbeth: I already looked there. Tell me more about this spaceship.

Doctor: The TARDIS. Time And Relative Dimension in Space. All of time, all of space, all in one Police Box. The most advanced technology ever imagined. It’s cool, like my bow tie. Bow ties are cool.

Bella (interview): Edward’s too young for me. Thousand-year-old guys are, like, what my soul needs.

Bella: I made you blood sausage. It’s, like, Edward’s favourite.

Bella (interview): All Hermione ever makes are, like, crumpets, and, like, meat pies. It’s, like, what is that?

Doctor (spits the food out): Mmm. It’s so good. Um, do you have any fish fingers and custard?

Lisbeth (interview): I will show the Doctor my intelligence is unmatched.

Lisbeth (typing frantically): Only two more hours and I will have this solved.

Doctor (takes laptop from her): Here, I can help. And…there you go.

Hermione (interview): I don’t care what Lisbeth says; he needs a witch with a wand.

Hermione: I bet you’ve never seen one of these before.

Doctor (looks at wand): Oh, very nice. You know, I’ve got something very similar (pulls out sonic screwdriver).

Hermione: Oh, well mine’s longer.

Hermione (to other BAMF girls at the kitchen table): Is it just me or is this Doctor particularly exhausting?

Bella: I know, like who does he think he is anyway? I’m an independent, confident…jar opener.

Doctor (interview): It’s all so clear now. These BAMFs don’t belong in the same universe, let alone the same house! Their very existence is a space-time paradox. You wouldn’t mind me sticking around to find out why, would you? I am an alien, after all. Two hearts…pretty BAMF-y! And I could regenerate into a woman one day.

(laughter from camera operator)

Doctor (interview): Why are you laughing? I could! I think I’d make a great woman!

Hermione: Being his companion just means playing second fiddle, again! Been there, done that.

Lisbeth: I am no one’s companion.

Hermione: I say we send this Doctor packing! For Merlin’s sake, what’s his real name?

Hermione (with Bella, pushing the Doctor back into the TARDIS): Off you go, Mr. Brilliant!

Doctor: It was great meeting you all!

Bella: Whatever, old man.

Hermione: Well, I’m glad that’s over.

Bella: Wait! (she runs into the closet after him)

Bella (OC): It really is bigger in here!

Hermione: Where is Lisbeth?

Lisbeth (interview): I am more brilliant than this Doctor (pulls out his sonic screwdriver).

 

 


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