Transcript (after the jump):
Aziz Ansari: Imagine if marriage didn’t exist, and you’re a guy and you ask someone to get married. Imagine what that conversation would be like. You’d be the guy and you’d be like,
Guy’s Voice: Hey, so we’ve been hanging out all the time, spending a lot of time together and everything.
Woman’s Voice: Yeah, yeah. I know.
Guy’s Voice: I wanna keep doing that…’til you’re dead. I want to keep hanging out with you until one of us dies. Put this ring on your finger so people know we have an arrangement.”
Woman’s Voice: Who’s that guy?
Guy’s Voice: It’s a priest. I want you to swear to god you won’t back out of this deal.
Woman’s Voice: What’s he wheeling in?
Guy’s Voice: It’s a cake with two tiny dolls that look like us. Eat a slice! Now feed a little bit to me.
Woman’s Voice: This is really strange. Why are we doing this?
Guy’s Voice: Tax purposes.