FFFF: Lisbeth Salander Explains the Internet

Funny Feminist Friday Film square logoThe amazing Comediva folks are back with a brand new BAMF Girls Club episode, this one featuring Lisbeth teaching the other housemates how to use the internet. Transcript after the jump.

Transcript:

Voice-over: When Buffy, Hermione, Katniss, Lisbeth, Michonne and Bella move into one house, it’s an utter BAMF-gasm of awesomeness! It’s the BAMF Girls Club!

Lisbeth (title card reads “Lisbeth Salander, Hacker”): These girls have weapons, magic, super strength, but the internet will eat them alive.

**

Kitchen

Katniss (trying to put her laptop through the garbage disposal): Augh! Stop signing me up for those stupid bread Groupons, Peeta!

Lisbeth: Katniss, haven’t you ever heard about unsubscribe ?

Bedroom

Lisbeth (working on laptop, looks over at Bella): What are you waiting for?

Bella (lying on back with laptop on chest, 404 Not Found error on the screen): It says it won’t work until 404. I have 20 minutes.

Living Room

Buffy (laughing on the sofa): Lisbeth, have you seen this dancing, animated baby? I’m going to email this to all my friends and tell them that they have to share it, or a mailer demon is going to ruin their love life…forever.

Lisbeth interview

Lisbeth: These girls have to learn that the internet is not a toy. It is a device to be used only for revenge…and occasionally kitty cats.

Living Room – group assembled

Lisbeth: I have created a PowerPoint presentation to explain the internet.

Buffy: Hello? I know what the internet is.

Lisbeth: If you consider AOL discs and Geocities sites the internet. But a lot has changed. For example, Grumpy Cat.

Lisbeth interview

Lisbeth: Everything on the internet is important, so I started with the basics.

Living Room – group assembled

Bella: Why does he only have like one emotion? That’s so one-note.

Lisbeth: Seriously? There is also Grumpy Cat’s rival: Colonel Meow.

(lights flash and computer shuts down)

Hermione: I want to see the adorable kittens.

Lisbeth: Witch!  Your magic breaks technology. This is why you were not invited.

Hermione: Well then it’s an inferior tool! (Lisbeth stares her down) Oh…I’m just going to go and toast…a crumpet. I like crumpets!

Lisbeth: Moving on from cats, there is also something called memes.

Michonne: Those are not memes, those are roamers! (pulls out sword)

Katniss: Michonne! We talked about this, smell it before you hit it.

Katniss and Michonne interview

Katniss: We started implementing the smell test after the pizza boy incident.

Michonne: Kid had a lot of pimples.

Living Room – group assembled

Bella: So if I’m writing a love letter to Edward…

(slide of “Goats” with picture of screaming goat comes up on computer)

Bella:…how do I make sure that…(interrupted again by Lisbeth pressing button to make screaming goat sound)…he actually gets it…because sometimes he doesn’t respond! (pause) I love Edw- (screaming goat sound)

Lisbeth: Moving on: Facebook etiquette.

(doorbell rings)

Buffy: He’s here!

Lisbeth: Who?

Buffy: A guy I met on the internet.

Buffy interview

Buffy: Dating guys who could only go out at night was becoming kind of a drag. Chuck E. Cheese? Closed. Dollar Store? Closed. Abandoned amusement park? Open, but not a good date, okay guys?! So, I started an Okcupid profile.

Front door

Buffy (to Lisbeth, who has thrown herself in front of the door): What are you doing?

Lisbeth: I have not done my section on internet safety. Never ever meet somebody you met on the internet unless you’re in a public place, or you have guns on you.

Buffy: It is fine, Lisbeth, lay off!

(Buffy throws open the door)

Buffy: Hi! Oh, three for one! Saletastic!

Men: I’m going to enjoy watching you die, Ms. Summers.

Hermione: Oh, who’s our new houseguest?

(the men disappear as a result of Hermione’s disrupting their technology. Buffy closes the door)

Buffy: Ugh. Why can’t guys just do dinner and a movie anymore?

Bella: Well at least he brought you flowers.

Buffy: Thanks for taking him out, Hermione.

Lisbeth: He is not dead; he always comes back.

Michonne: Just like a walker.

 

 

 

Posted on by Jarrah Hodge in FFFF Leave a comment

About the author

Jarrah Hodge

Jarrah Hodge is the founder and editor of gender-focus.com. She has also written for the Huffington Post, Bitch Magazine Blogs, the Vancouver Observer and About-Face. Jarrah has B.A. in Women’s Studies and Sociology from UBC. She’s a fan of politics, Star Trek, musical theatre, and brunch.

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