Same-Sex Marriage Can Be Part of Human Nature Too

by | July 9, 2012
filed under Can-Con, Feminism, LGBT

Same-Sex Marriage Cake ToppersGender Focus welcomes guest contributor Bianca. Bianca is a Calgary  blogger who loves to write. She is interested in knowledge – especially trying to understand our world in a rational way. She is currently exploring the work of biologist Jeremy Griffith, who is addressing these deeper questions and it’s explaining a lot to her! You can read a review here.

A person’s teenage years are a time of evolution. You go through a lot of changes as a result of your human nature – both emotional and physical ones. It isn’t an easy process for any person to go through. However, I had an especially difficult time because not only was I a teenager growing up in Calgary, I was a lesbian.

Calgary was probably one of the worst cities to grow up as a lesbian. Now the situation has drastically changed and Canadian society has become far more accepting, but when I was in high school I felt very alone and angry at the world. I had known I was a lesbian ever since I was twelve years old. Around that time a lot of my friends began dating, had their first kiss, and so on. I kept trying to be interested in the male qualities women were supposed to be attracted to – tall, dark, and handsome, that sort of thing, but I always found my female friends to be far more appealing in terms of their looks as well as the emotional connection it was possible to develop with a woman.

I finally gave up the charade and admitted to myself that I was a lesbian. That was the difficult part. However, the uncomfortable part was telling my family. That is why I waited three years to break the news. They were complete, by-the-book Christians, which didn’t make them the ideal audience. I thought when I told them they would be angry, but it was the complete opposite. I almost wish they were angry. They tried to reason with me, convince me that I was just confused, that what I was feeling was against human nature. I tried to counter their argument by saying that homosexuality occurs everywhere in human nature as well as the natural world. I mean, ¾ of giraffes have homosexual relationships and male penguins have been known to mate for life! This was to no avail.

I somehow made it through my high school years and through dealing with my family, who never really accepted my sexuality but eventually quit on trying to change me. The next exciting time in my life was when I finished my undergraduate degree and began an internship at an architectural office in Calgary. I was introduced to my team and we got along great. We had a group of engineers consult on our design and it was during that meeting that I met the love of my life – Sam. She was completely in charge of the situation and I found her intelligence and confidence amazingly attractive. We went out on a few dates and only two months later, we moved in together.

After living in bliss for two years, Sam proposed to me. I was elated. I knew she was the one I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. However, we had the law against us. I had met Sam in 1998 and it was now the year 2000. It was illegal for us to get married. I thought it was so ridiculous and backwards that a country as free as ours would be so oppressive. After all, the state has no place in the bedroom. What’s more, the same year we were engaged, the province of Alberta changed its marriage act to specify that the definition of marriage was between a man
and a woman. It didn’t hold up because marriage was under federal jurisdiction but it still offended me that my province was so prejudiced.

From 2000 to 2005, things significantly improved for the homosexual community in Canada. Dedicated individuals fought to establish that it was human nature to find a partner – and it didn’t matter what gender that partner was as long as there was love in the relationship. According to an essay titled ‘Human Nature’ published by the World Transformation Movement there is a biological explanation to this deeper underlying issue, which they discuss at length.

On July 20th, 2005, parliament passed the Civil Marriage Act, legalizing same-sex marriage throughout the country. On July 30th, Sam and I got married. We have been living together happily ever since, but our journey was not an easy one. It is a shame that in many places in the world, homosexual couples must be treated as outcasts simply for doing what heterosexual couples are doing – loving one another. Nevertheless, there are international civil rights movements all over the world that are showing the best of human nature and changing the
world.

(photo by Davidlud via Wikimedia Commons)


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  • Love is love regardless of the gender of the lovers. It is a part of the nature of all of us to want to be tender and affectionate and to share bodily pleasure. We have the capacity to do this with other people of any gender, but aspects of our social environment – experiences, the attitudes of others, etc. – can shape our desires especially through the development of inhibitions or fixations. I identify as a heterosexual male, but I’m aware that this is because I have a fixation on the idea of sex with a woman and an inhibition against sex with a man. Since consensual safe sex is a healthy activity regardless of the genders of the participants, it shouldn’t be a matter for discrimination. I think that one reason why it is is that our underlying capacity for bisexuality is often not accepted. The fact that heterosexuality is based on an inhibition against homosexuality can leave some heterosexuals in a very insecure position. Controlling homosexuality in others becomes a priority for them dictated by a fear that their own latent homosexuality might surface. This doesn’t mean that they are not principally heterosexual in their desires, only that they inordinately fear whatever homosexual impulses, however slight, are in their nature. This is more likely to be the case if they were taught when they were young that homosexuality was a bad thing.

    Anyway, those are my ideas on the subject, though they are not based on any formal study of psychology or sexology. If you want to explore my ideas about sexuality and psychology further you can check out my blog or my ebooks, all of which are free :

    http://howtobefree-theblog.blogspot.com.au

    https://www.smashwords.com/profile/view/jblow

    One thing which interests me is what relevance you found in Jeremy Griffith’s essay to the subject you discuss. I didn’t notice any mention in it of sexuality. I have a long familiarity with Griffith’s writings. Are you aware that he believes that even consensual sex in marriage is “an attack on innocence” and “soul destroying”? And did you know that he said the following about male homosexuality on pg. 336 of his book “A Species in Denial”? :

    “It follows that the more corrupted a man is, the less naive he is and thus the more he is aware that women are not innocent. Therefore, if a man is extremely hurt and corrupted in his infancy and childhood, when he becomes sexually mature he will not be naive enough to believe that women are still innocent and he will thus not find women sexually attractive. The last bastion of ‘attractive’ innocence for such men is younger men, because they are not as exposed to sexual destruction as women have historically been.”